


Holding On

by Insomnia_Productions



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, and adorable, and misaki is dere, and precious, and still an asshole, conversations are had, hot chocolate is made, it's failed though don't worry the children are fine, misaki is a teenage girl tbh, misaki is stubborn, niki is still alive, saru is a smol sad baby, saru is done with this here soulmate bullshit, saru is tsun, trigger warning: suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6711571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomnia_Productions/pseuds/Insomnia_Productions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misaki is five years old when he first thinks to ask what the small white band on his wrist is counting down to. </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Since childhood, Saruhiko has known that this soulmate business is bullshit. His parents are so-called soulmates, after all, and what has come from that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding On

Misaki is five years old when he first thinks to ask what the small white band on his wrist is counting down to.

The answer, as it happens, is a first meeting with a very important person—his soulmate. Misaki thinks romance is gross, but something in him draws his eyes again and again to the timer, and he can't help but wonder just who the universe has decided is the perfect match for him.

As they age, Misaki's friends begin to date. Time and time again, the redhead sees them wandering town hand-in-hand with pretty girls, the numbers on their bands still counting down, down, down.

They ask him why he doesn't mess around, too, when there are so many girls at their school who are interested in him.

Misaki cannot answer them, only shrugging and returning his gaze to the numbers on his wrist.

 

.

 

Since childhood, Saruhiko has known that this soulmate business is bullshit. His parents are so-called soulmates, after all, and what has come from that?

A woman who never leaves the office. A man with dirt-black lungs and an affinity for psychological torture. And a boy with stark blue eyes and a gaping hole inside him, completely worthless to the society he can never bring himself to care about.

So, no, Saruhiko does not care that his numbers are down to less than an hour as he stands at the edge of a cliff on the coast, gazing out over the ocean.

There are photos of his parents at his age, smiling at each other, so very much in love. But love and happiness are ephemeral, flimsy, not worth the pain. So he leaves his wrist dangling by his side and steps closer to the sea.

 

.

 

_00:00:00:40:11_

It's a lot of zeroes. Years, days, and hours all fall away, leaving only minutes and seconds. Misaki paces impatiently, wearing HOMRA's floorboards down minute by minute. The numbers continue to shrink until he can't take it anymore.

There are thirty-eight minutes and seventeen seconds left when Misaki flees the building, snatching up his skateboard and letting the salty breeze sting his face as he zips along the coastal path.

 

.

 

No one will miss Saruhiko.

No one will even notice he's not around.

 

.

 

There are only twenty-five seconds left when Misaki rolls into the onward ledge of a cliff, nineteen when he notices the figure standing at its edge.

There are twelve seconds when he realizes just how close this figure is to the open air, ten when he notices the slightest lean forward, eight when alarm bells go off in his head.

 

.

 

There are four seconds on the band when Saruhiko steps off the ledge.

 

.

 

Warm hands close around his own in a grasp tighter than death.

The numbers read _00:00:00:00:01_.

Saruhiko looks up.

 

.

 

Blue meets amber.

 

.

 

_00:00:00:00:00_

 

.

 

Two bands break off two wrists, one tan and one pale, and plummet down to the frothing water below.

 

.

 

Suspended above raging saltwater and jagged rocks, held up by nothing more than the trembling hands of his soulmate, Saruhiko begins to laugh.

 

.

 

Misaki watches with wide eyes as his soulmate laughs wildly, his glasses skewed and his hair tousled by the wind. It is a hollow, manic laughter, and as he laughs, a single tear slides down his face.

Misaki grits his teeth, tightening his grip on the other, and pulls.

 

.

 

They sit together on the ledge, panting, and then Misaki's soulmate stands and walks away. Misaki scrambles up and stumbles after him, searching for his voice.

"Wait!" He calls, reaching out to grasp the back of the other's jacket. "Please—wait!"

His soulmate stops.

"I... I'm Yata. Yata M-Misaki. Who..." His voice trails off as his soulmate turns cold blue eyes on him.

"You don't need to know my name."

"But... we're soulmates."

His soulmate laughs, low and dismissive. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Doesn't mean—?" Misaki cuts himself off and sets his jaw. "Well, even so, I just saved you from... killing yourself." His voice falters as the reality of what just happened sets in. "I can't just let you walk away like that."

The other raises an eyebrow. "Really."

"Come over," Misaki's mouth says without Misaki's permission. "Come to my house. I'll make you something warm. It doesn't have to mean anything, I just want to make sure you're okay. Please."

His soulmate is silent, studying him with dark, unreadable eyes.

"Fushimi Saruhiko."

"Huh?"

"My name." Saruhiko looks away, clicking his tongue. "How far's your place?"

Misaki lights up.

 

.

 

Misaki is attractive, Saruhiko will give him that much. He is also, from what Saruhiko has seen, sweet and headstrong and a little bit of an idiot. And he makes the best hot chocolate Saruhiko has ever tasted.

But none of it matters; he will leave the redhead's apartment as soon as possible, and then he will never see him again. Things are better, that way. For both of them.

"S-so... um... Saruhiko—"

"Don't think this means anything," Saruhiko cuts in quietly. "Soulmates. Don't make me laugh. It's all bullshit, all of it."

Misaki frowns. "How do you know that? Maybe we're—"

"Doesn't matter what you think now. Even if we were to get along, it wouldn't last." He stares into his cup, watching the swirling remnants of the drink distort his reflection. His next words are a thought, unknowingly whispered into the air. "Good things never do."

 

.

 

Misaki is seconds away from launching himself into a heated debate over the validity of soulmates with Saruhiko when the look in his eyes makes his voice die in his throat.

 _Good things don't last._ Misaki wonders who taught him that.

Saruhiko sets down the cup, and Misaki knows he's about to walk away again.

"Wait! Good things _can_ last, if you make the effort. _This_ can last... I know loads of people who've met their soulmates and are happy with them."

"I don't."

Misaki sits down next to him. "Even if you think that... you can't live your whole life hiding from it."

"I know," Saruhiko replies, meeting Misaki's eyes. "That's why I decided not to live anymore."

Misaki grits his teeth. "That's not a solution. That's just... stupid." This seems to surprise Saruhiko, so Misaki hurriedly continues. "At least talk to me. Just... ask me twenty questions, and I'll ask you, and we'll both answer honestly. Then, if you're still not interested, you can leave and I won't look for you. But if you are, then we can meet again. What do you say?"

 

.

 

Saruhiko looks at his cup. Looks at Misaki's hopeful half-smile and earnest eyes. Looks at bare wrists and hands that were gripped so tightly just when all he wanted was to let go.

"...All right. But make it ten questions."

 

.

 

"My first question," Saruhiko says. "What were you doing at the coast today?"

Misaki smiles. An easy one. "I was nervous about the numbers, so I went out for air. I usually prefer to skate in the city, but today something just... drew me to the coast." At the look on Saruhiko's face, he quickly backtracks: "W-which doesn't necessarily mean anything. A-anyway, it's my turn now." He considers. "How old are you?"

"Nineteen. You?"

"Nineteen. Are you in college, or..."

"Yes. Computer science and programming."

"Whoa, cool!" Misaki's eyes widen. "So what do you do? Can you make games?"

"Still my turn, Misaki."

Misaki frowns. "Could you call me Yata?"

"No."

Misaki senses that there's no point in arguing.

"What about you? Are you in college?"

"Ah... kind of..." Misaki laughs sheepishly. "I go to a community college, but it's not really my thing. Still, I figured I should probably get through it anyway. I have a lot of part-time jobs, too. How about you? Do you work?"

"No." He pauses. "Do you... have any particular hobbies?"

"Yeah, I like skateboarding, obviously, and I like gaming. You?"

"Gaming, I guess. And programming, although you probably wouldn't understand the specifics. And... I've become skilled at knife-throwing, so that, too."

"Hey! We have something in common!" Misaki stops. "Wait... knife-throwing?" He considers for a moment. "You know, there's this guy I really look up to, Mikoto-san. His soulmate, Munakata Reisi, is the captain of a government organization called SCEPTER 4. They're sort of like an elite police force. I don't know much about them, but they're very efficient, and I know they're really... tech-y. We call them the Blues. I think you'd fit in with them really well."

"Oh?" Misaki can tell that, in spite of himself, his soulmate is interested.

"I could introduce you, if you want."

"Maybe. In any case, do you have siblings?"

"Yeah, three. I don't know how my mom raised us. She's a single parent... I don't know what happened to my dad, but he was her soulmate. She's got a new husband though, and they're pretty happy. Not too well-off, but happy. What about you? What's your family like?"

 

.

 

Saruhiko doesn't know why he asked Misaki about his family, when it was so natural for the redhead to ask the same question in turn. Maybe he wanted to be asked. Saruhiko pushes the thought aside and closes his eyes.

"Rich. They're rich. She's a businesswoman, always at the office, so she makes a lot of money. He doesn't have a job."

His eyes open and he can see Misaki's confusion at his curt answers.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Red." Misaki is looking at him thoughtfully. "Were your parents soulmates?"

Saruhiko looks away. Of course he's not letting this go. "Yes."

"Did they act like it?"

"That's two questions, Misaki."

"You can ask me two later. Did they?"

Saruhiko is silent. Slowly, he shakes his head. "At first, they loved each other. They were happy. But not anymore. It's like I told you. Things like that are fleeting."

"But—"

"My turn. You've bought into the whole soulmate story, haven't you? So, have you ever dated anyone before?"

Misaki shakes his head. "No. I wanted to wait."  

"Hah." Saruhiko smiles, but it's not like one of Misaki's smiles. "You must be disappointed, then, at what you get for all that waiting."

"Is that your eighth question?"

"Yes. Don't you feel cheated?—all that build-up, and all you get is me."

Misaki is silent, looking at Saruhiko.

"...No," he says at length. "No, I don't feel cheated. I think... I'm glad I waited, and I'm glad you're the end goal. You're interesting."

Saruhiko's eyes widen. His lips part but he says nothing, not knowing how to respond. Not believing the answer, but haven't they agreed to tell the truth?

"You..."

Misaki smiles. "I think you seem really cool. I want to get to know you. And I still have three questions left, so... what... made you like this? What happened to convince you that good things don't last?"

Saruhiko doesn't want to respond. Still, maybe if he does, Misaki won't want to be with him anymore. Then he can leave and put all of this behind him. The way it should be.

"A lot of things."

"Like?"

"Is that your ninth question?"

"Yes."

"If you want to know about why I don't believe in soulmates... my parents don't hate each other. They just... don't. They're indifferent towards each other, like they've each forgotten the other exists. And good things... That Guy—I mean, my father—taught me that good things never last.

“When I was little, I solved a Rubix cube and when I showed him, he smashed it. When I was older, I had an ant farm, which he burnt. He did... does things like that often, and every time he tells me the same thing. That good things don't last in my life, so there's no point having them. That's why, if I have something good, it's better to destroy it myself, save myself the pain of having it broken by someone else." Saruhiko stops, taking a breath. People say that sharing a burden feels like having the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders, but he feels more crushed, more suffocated than ever.

"There you go," he mutters. "That's me—that's your soulmate. I recommend you return to the store and ask for a refund on damaged goods."

"Nah."

Saruhiko looks up. Misaki's eyes are warm honey.

"I've got some duct tape and superglue, so I'm good."

"What—"

"We each have one question left. It's your turn."

Saruhiko frowns. "I'm not a project, so don't try to _fix_ me. You couldn't do it, anyway, not with any amount of duct tape and superglue."

"Is that a challenge? Because I’m broke and clumsy, so you really don’t want to go up against me on this one."

"It's a warning. I'm nobody's charity case."

Misaki gives an exasperated sigh. "I never said you were. Doesn't mean I don't still want to help you, or just be around you."

" _Why?_ Don't tell me you actually—" He stops. Better not to ask that question.

"Is that your final question?" Misaki asks.

Saruhiko hesitates. He doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to open the door to any complicated possibilities. And yet…

"Do you... actually... _like_ me?"

Misaki grins. "Yeah. Like I said, you're interesting, and smart, and cool. I want to spend more time with you and be your friend and prove to you that you can have good things and make them last. And... and fall in love with you slowly, no matter what you say about soulmates." He ends his speech and takes a breath, turning shy eyes and a shyer smile on the other. "And... do _you_ like _me_?"

Saruhiko decides to say no and close this door before the situation gets any more out of hand, before the strange flutter in his stomach and warmth in his chest become commonplace.

But it is Misaki's tenth question and they agreed to answer honestly, and Misaki is amusing and warm and sweet and something in his eyes makes Saruhiko feel safe and he whispers,

"Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Hm... I feel like it's not that good from the dialogue onwards... but I was so excited about this so I wanted to post it and yeah.  
> Hope you like it, because I really am very psyched about this. I've already wanted to do a soulmate timer au and these two are jet perfect for it~
> 
> Really, this is just me taking a break from all the fluff and humor of Trials & Tribulations to get back into that hurt/comfort/angsty sarumi feel


End file.
